Monday, November 5, 2012

If Romney Was President


One of Mr. Romney's main talking points is his business experience.   Let's talk about how his business experience would help, if the government was run like business. 

As the new CEO of America Incorporated, Romney would first have to deal with the 50 daughter companies (or "states" as they are referred to) that are on the verge of bankruptcy.   A few who are just beyond saving would probably have to be cut loose.   Millions of people in California, New York, Texas, New Jersey, and Illinois would be given the pink slip explaining that they were no longer US citizens.  Of course they would be given serious consideration if they re-apply for citizenship, but only once there is an opening, which probably won't be until the economy gets better.
Some other states would have to be seriously fixed,  with completely new management, probably some more lay-offs, as the states try to follow the example of the healthier, less indebted states.
One of America Inc's main problems is marketing it's product.  Under Romney, America Inc would begin to sell a line of energy drinks, such as Ameri-juice, Public Education Jolt, Infrastructure Blast, and Defence Explosion.   Every citizen would be required by law to purchase and ingest these beverages.
Romney would of course give away free drinks to America Inc's investors, the top 1% of citizens. 
When it comes to foreign policy, it is unclear whether America Inc. will favor vertical or horizontal consolidation. Probably horizontal consolidation, because it is what America Inc has favored in the past. America Inc would probably start with Canada Corp, then move towards a merger with the UK Group (and the rest of it's commonwealths, such as Australia), and then consolidate with the rest of the Americas.  The new company would be now called America-Oceania Inc (1984 references ftw!)
Now that AO Inc has finally become a successful business, the CEO would need to focus on marketing. A new logo-flag perhaps?  The flag would now be in the shape of a circle, with added vector shininess, with brighter reds and blues, because rectangle logos did not test well with the focus groups.
AO Inc needs a spokesperson, the smiling face of the company.  The bald eagle perhaps?  Though it would have to be animated and probably given an accent like the Geico gecko. 
With Romney's leadership, AO Inc might become more successful than Exxon Mobil (the worlds largest company)!
Make sure to vote tomorrow for Obama, but if you are voting for Romney, skip the lines and vote Wednesday.

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(Of course this is completely hypothetical and meant as a joke, this won't happen. probably)

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